What if you take the God out of Godparent?

Andrew - Very exciting news! Yesterday my sister asked me to be the Godfather of her 3rd son. Immediately said yes, started thinking about what to wear, what to buy him as a present and how many of theses things could be bought in Italy. And then I stopped....

What the fuck does a Godfather do?  Godfather the movie is one of Sawusbands favourite films - but I don't think I should behave like that. Gusband & I are Godparents to a total of 7 children already and Gusband doesn't even believe in God! So off I went to the dictionary. Apparently I am in charge of presenting him at his Baptism and speaking on his behalf. Rightyo then, I can do that, I can  speak.

The problem may arise with what I actually say. I think I need the questions in advance. I don't even remember speaking at any of the other ones. I became a Godfather to one friend's child when she had his baptismal certificate changed because she decided she hated the original chosen one.

I hope I'm not expected to be in charge of his "spiritual wellbeing". I mean I'm down with spirits - I worship at the church of Smirnoff and Stonepine (I've cast tequlia and rum out of the temple however due to my inability to control myself when possessed by them).

Once upon a time Godparents were seen as the person who would take them in should anything happen to the parents. Does this mean MY Godparents would have left their respective partners and shacked up together if the case had arisen when I was a youngster? Or maybe some sort of commune would have been set up?

So in this modern day and age I've decided I'm going to impart USEFUL things to young Thomas and leave the religious stuff to someone a lot better at it than I.

1. Thou shall never text, facebook or blog when intoxicated;
2. Thou shall not get fat - end of story;
3. Thou shall always have a book on the go, possibly 2, but definitely 1;
4. Thou shall consult me before wearing something yellow, very few can pull it off;
5. Thou shall shop locally whenever possible;
6. Thou shall have excellent personal hygiene at all times - no one likes stinky breath and don't even start me on body odour;
7. Thou shall call me before your mother if you ever get arrested - I'll give it good spin;
8. Thou shall surround thyself with good friends. They will be your rock in times of need;
9. Thou shall travel. Having dual citizenship will be amazing for you just make sure you visit places that have experienced disasters, they need your cash;
10. Thou shall stand up for gay rights and any other inequality you see;

Now that my lesson has ended I am off to get ready to go to a Christening. I'm a gay man standing in for an atheist in a Catholic Church at the Baptism of a child who's Godmother is divorced. Go figure.

Enjoy yourselves campers. xx