Things That Rub Us Up The Wrong Way

As I type this Gusband is currently enjoying a 3 ½ hour spa treatment at his favourite Banlinese haunt, the Prana Spa. Not to be outdone in the spoilt brat department I decided I would book myself in for a massage in the hope that they could fix the sore back I gave myself from lying by the pool for the last 10 days. Really I should know better by now. I don’t like massages and I don’t like spas for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, why must I have a cup of warm water before a spa treatment? Even if they have stuck a slice of lemon in it. I have never come across a delicious tea experience at a spa and yet they continue to force it your throat. No gay sex jokes... I do not wish my relaxing spa treatment to begin with a feeling of nausea.

Then you are led to a changeroom to change into a pair of ill-fitting, uncomfortable and generally made of the flimsiest material “panties” that are apparently “one size fits all”.

Now don’t get me wrong, the Prana spa has the most professional staff you could ever come across. It’s all very discrete, one limb uncovered at a time while the treatment is happening and all that jazz.

No R & T’s here. I think that might only be in Thailand anyway but that’s another blog all together and I’d need to do some research.

I always find myself the complete opposite of relaxed when having a massage. I start thinking, “what if I need to go to the toilet” or “what happens if I fall asleep and snore, only to wake up with a start and kick the therapist in the face?” The poor therapist is trying to relax me and I’m more tense than when I walked in.

Maybe I need a different type of therapist….

I don’t even like to be sweaty, so what makes me think that I would like to be oily? Today I found myself wishing I hadn’t worn a fresh singlet because when the massage was over I would be getting it all greasy.  Because I’m not showering there because without a doubt if I did, there would be someone waiting for me at the end with another cup of frigging undrinkable tea. See I'm not relaxed at all!

It’s not all bad though. Gusband and I do love to go to a place called “Fabulously Feet” and let me tell you, it is FABULOUS! It’s only feet and while I don’t like the rest of me being touched I am so down with having my feet done. You can rub and scrub those puppies until the cows come home.

The treatment room @ Fabulously Feet

Lucy, do you remember the time in Thailand when the four of us went to have massages? Unbeknownst to us we would find ourselves lying on 4 mattresses right next to each other. No privacy at that little place. You had to get your boobs out which may have been mortifying to you but I guess if it has to be done, it may as well be done in front of 2 gay boys and your husband.

Convinced by his friends, Sawusband tries a facial on for size

So one day I may learn the difference between a “spa treatment” and a therapeutic massage but until then I will probably just keep copying Sawusband because he just comes back from these things so damn relaxed!

Until then campers, keep your Crisco covered hands to yourselves. xx


Lucy- The tea was the most relaxing part for me as i'm so ticklish.


Thanks for reminding me of the most unrelaxing massage in Thailand when I had to get the girls out in front of the gays (needless to say they will never be the same again).... After being led up a narrow staircase (scary enough) then having to share the room. Followed by being the most ticklish person in the massage area, but also having to get the girls out in front of everyone.... & you think you're not relaxed, you have another thing coming. Try holding in the giggles while getting your breasts out.


Great, I will definitely be having recurring nightmares again about that. It only took a good few months to get over it the first time.
At least we can take some solace in the fact that there was NO R & T's that day.

I think I would have been happier having Cosmos intravenously in Singapore!

Ahh, the Singapore sling, I can feel those massage thoughts slipping away.

But I must say Sawusband looks gorgeous and relaxed while having a facial. Too much fun.


Happy private massages campers. Xx