Stop Reading Shit!

Andrew – I heard an author once say that there are so many books in the world that if you are not enjoying the one you are reading, put it down and get another one. 

Monica McInerney the author who told me what's what

I never used to be able to do it, now I do it all the time. I have started so many books over the years that not so long ago, my bedside table looked like a literary graveyard.

(A few days ago I put all of my half read/not read books into a separate section of our library. Wasn’t that hard really and going to bed now in an uncluttered space, must be good for my feng shui.)

Gusband's side of the bed

My newly culled bedside table

The problem (and I use that term very loosely as I know it’s a problem lots of people would like) is that in my line of work publishers are always sending advanced copies of titles they want us to read. I take the ones I think I’ll one day get to but more often they simply join the growing pile next to my bed. It doesn’t help that I read everything. By that I mean I don’t have a particular genre that I stick to. I love crime, I like to think I like reading literary titles, coming up to Christmas I even read “chick lit” or as it's now called "light fiction" and young adult books. I do this under the guise of being able to suitably advise you on a Christmas gift. The truth is I also enjoy them.

When Gusband and I spent a month in Bali I had to pack a bag for just books, for several reasons. For starters I do very little in Bali but read and more importantly when you finish a book, you never really know what genre of book you will feel like next. Hence the suitcase full of options.

I have just finished a book that I really didn’t enjoy so I thought I needed to read something completely trashy. As I headed for the bath with my copy of “Unmasked: Erotic Stories of Gay Superheroes” I thought for sure I had found something suitable trashy to get me through the bath at least. Guess again and I really should have known from the title! There is nothing more infuriating than being stranded in the bath with a bad book – a bad book that is neither “erotic” or “stories” really.

So I’m almost finished Alan Hollinghurst’s “The Stranger’s Child” I love, love, love it! Don’t even get me started on “The Street Sweeper” by Elliot Perlman, it is fabulous and due to be released in October.

If this sounds like shameless self promotion, then you may be right. I just get so excited at this time of year. Ahhh Christmas new releases! You’ve gotta love them.

What are you reading campers?


Lucy - So in order to stop reading shit I guess I'll have  to start reading something more than trashy mags, which are probably classed as shit with pictures.
The last books I was truly engrossed in & it pains me to say it (especially to Andrew, bookworm extraordinaire)Yes Campers it was the TWILIGHT SERIES!!!! oh the pain of a person my age loving it, but I confess I did.
Which leads me to the fact that now I have a little bit of Rob Pats twilight life in my life. My sister has decided that I apparently love him & continually buys me Rob Pats shit! a DVD about him, the Twilight board game..... A Twilight calendar.....the list goes on & my face is getting redder by the second in embarrassment. In order to defend myself I wish you all to know that I have not played the board game or watched the DVD.

Twilight Board Game, Sad But True!

The books I do love are my cookbooks, Sawusband & I have a cookbook collection which rivals Gusbands (if that is possible), he is the queen of cookbooks but I think a lot of that has to do with his husband owning a quality bookstore. 

Most of our collection.

I must admit that since we moved away from the OC I have had trouble finding a quality bookstore that stock a great range. We did have a Borders store which has closed down now, they had a great range, but the best store I know is Boomers Bookshop in the OC. I liked it because it has rolled the ABC shop with everything else. Now It sounds like I'm promoting Andrew....Sad....but what can I do... it's true.....


Anywho I'm off to buy a trashy mag....oh, I mean a novel of substance.


Happy reading, Campers.

Who's Got The Travel Bug?

Andrew – Oh dear I’ve just gotten off the phone with Lucy and I think you will agree that when someone answers the phone with, “You do NOT want to fucking know,” they are not having the best of days.

We had spoken earlier and I had ascertained that Lucy, Sawusband & crew were stranded in the big smoke. She’d rung Gusband for advice. He’s a handy man to have at the end of the phone.

I'm guessing this isn't todays faces

I’ll let Lucy tell the story however while she is (hopefully) in the sky on her way home, it made me think about the times we’ve been stranded somewhere at the mercy of an airline.

Most recently was our little jaunt in Bali. On the day of departure I received a text message from Pacific Blue telling me that our flight, that was supposed to be leaving at 10pm that night, would now be leaving at 8am the next morning. Me… I went and bought more grog because I mean seriously what are you going to do? Complain about having to stay another night in Seminyak?

Sooo tired, yes that trolley is only filled with alcohol

Poor Gusband, he hit the phones to confirm the delay and then try and find some accommodation for the night. (Note to self: ALWAYS PACK YOUR TRAVEL AGENT.) Clearly no drama, we stayed, we drank and when we went to the airport we were somewhere between drunk and hungover.

Another time I remember being stranded was the time we were travelling from Los Angeles to Sydney and due to some delay we would be staying where we were, for the next little while. 

Next little while my fucking arse! 

“Would you like a drink sir? We might be here a while.”

“Well yes I will, thanks very much.” *Repeat that for 4 hours.

Very drunk at takeoff I can tell you.

Then there was the time we were delayed for so long I was heard to say, “Oh God, I couldn’t drink any more Krug…” Pretentious much?

I thought that was it but Gusband has just reminded me about the time we were going from London to Kuala Lumpur and sat on the tarmac for 5 hours. I tell you what, that was 5 hours of the best sleep I’ve ever had. If I was on twitter I’d say #flatbedmuch.

I was held up at customs in Canada once but that was too terrifying for words so I can’t even think about it. Another post another time.

So, I am crossing my fingers that my friend is FINALLY on her way home (again). I hope Lucy has had a lovely time away because nothing ruins a min-break like a delayed day of travel. C-Bear? Thoughts?

P.S – As a quick little aside…. If you aren’t able to take your travel agent with you or don't have your bestie at the end of the phone (who is a travel agent) and if YOU ARE TRAVELLING AND YOU HAVEN’T BOOKED THROUGH A TRAVEL AGENT...... YOU ARE AN DICKHEAD!

Travel safely campers. xx Lucy where are you????


Lucy - I'MTOOSICKTOTYPE!I'MTOOSICKTOTYPE!I'MTOOSICKTOOTYPE!I'MTOOSICKTOOTYPE!I'MTOOSICKTOOTYPE - but I am home safely xx

Things That Make Us Go Awwwww

Andrew - I just put clean sheets on the bed and now I’m so excited I want to go to bed however it’s only 4pm so that’s probably a bit foolish. It got me thinking about all those things that make us go awwwww.

Coming home. As much as I love to travel, I don’t think there’s a better feeling than when you look out the window and see Sydney harbour come into view. I always get butterflies and I don’t even live there! Which is nothing compared to the feeling I get driving into Orange knowing that in a few short minutes we’ll be seeing the bubbas.

Follow that up with a shower in our own shower will all our own products and life really is bliss. There’s just something about your own shower that makes you go awwww.

I remember when Oscar first let Phoebe lick him on the face, talk about an awwww moment. For ages Oscar would growl when puppy Phoebe would come anywhere near him. I think he thought we weren’t watching and she had obviously worn him down with her gorgeousness. Billy was the same, just more tolerant of Phoebes.

Poor patient Billy

I saw a kitten lick hot Dr Chris on his vet show one night and both Gusband and I went awwww. We could totally have that cat and we hate cats with a passion. Doesn’t help that I’m allergic. I would totally let Dr Chris lick my face.

Just so you know that it’s not just about animals with me, I always go awwww when I hear babies giggle too. Weird I know. Not that babies giggling is weird. It makes me think I should head off and procreate. Then they poo or vomit or both at the same time. Crisis of wanting a baby over, panic not Gusband.

Check out Gusband and P-Mac acting the clown to make the A-Man laugh.

I also love going to the wardrobe on a Monday morning after the ironing lady has brought our shirts back. Bliss and a whole lot of shallow, I know.

What makes you go awwww campers?


Lucy - Things that make me go Awwwww. We must be on the same page today, I too have fresh sheets on the bed, there is nothing better than that first sleep on fresh yummy sheets.


There are a few that spring to mind immediately, like baby dog Henry as a puppy.

Awwww

Or greeting me when I get home. That actually doesn't happen all that often, most of the time he is fast asleep, lucky to even hear me open the door. If he does happen to wake up he normally lifts up his head, looks, then promptly lays back down & starts snoring. So on the odd occasion that he bothers to get up, I feel special & think Awwwww

wake up & greet me....

When I get home from work, Sawusband has made me dinner and the smell hits me when I open the door I think Awwwww, actually I mean Mmmmmm. 

I just purchased a new handbag, Australian design & handmade by Deadly Ponies. I got it online & when the postman dropped it off today I was as excited as a kid in a candy store. As I opened the bag & saw the blue I went Awwwww.

I also love the smell of fresh rain on the ground after a dry spell or rain on a freshly mowed lawn, maybe that makes say Ahhhhh 

or seeing a helium balloon floating so high in the sky without a care, only to have that peace shattered  by a screaming child who accidentally let it go.

There are so many Awww moments, Andrew i'm glad you made me think of a few today.
& you two definitely need that ironing lady if your wardrobe has that many shirts....


Andrew - P.S. They were only Gusband's shirts.

Get Rid Of Shit Day !

 Lucy - Get Rid Of Shit Day, also known as Council Pick up Day.
Every so often our council organises a Council Pick Up Day, where all the crap you don't want hanging around the house can be placed near the gutter & they will take it away. Fantastic I hear you say, no trips to the tip.

All you hoarders on the GC, get ready !!!!

This is not my living room

That is going take some extra trips to the tip.

I have a few things that were too good to put on the side of the road so I called the Salvos to collect them. This ended up in me having some items that even the Salvos did not want.
I had a cat scratching post which Ishka (the cat) turned her nose up at, she prefers to sharpen her claws on the rug. The Salvos also turned their noses up at the $80 scratching post, obviously following Ishkas lead.

Ok this is a bit more elaborate than the one snubbed by Ishka & the Salvos.

The alternative was to place it on the side of the road, so I did.
The next day Mummy Penny rang & asked, "Is that cat post still outside your house? I think I just saw being carried up the  street". I popped my head over the fence and sure enough It was gone.
People never cease to amaze me. We are still a few days away until pick up starts, it will be this weekend when we see cars with trailers strapped to the back pulling up outside homes taking what they want off the piles of crap. They are indeed scavengers who I am sure will be putting all the crap they collect on the net!
Look out Ebay you're about to be inundated with more shit for sale....

I wonder if Ishka's scratching post will show up.

Andrew - Oh, I do love myself a "Get Rid of Shit Day."

I remember the day not long ago when Gusband and I had a garage sale. It was also the day C-Bear was hired to work it and then sacked when someone tried to haggle with her over prices, "I'll give you $5," said the punter "No $2," responded our master of finances. Ummm C-Bear, you're now on the coffee run.

At the end of the day Gusband & I decided that we would just put all of our leftover crap on the footpath as council cleanup was due any day. Well it turns out one man's trash really is another man's treasure. Or at least that's what it looked like as we skulked around peering out the windows as car after car pulled up and rifled through our leftover junk. How old can you be to still mutter, "scab" under your breath.

Now I know that last comment may have sounded judgemental but I'm not (well I am) the real reason I have a problem with other peoples stuff is germs. Yes I am a germaphobe of sorts. I touch a bin and wash my hands, I am a little bit obsessed with Glen 20 and I have antibacterial in the car, yet I live with inside dogs.... go figure.

Also, Gusband and I recycle like mofos, so we appreciate the idea of taking someones stuff off the footpath instead of it ending up as landfill. It's just germs, that and the fact that I like new stuff. In saying that, Sawusband has been known to give me clothes that he's either decided he didn't like but bought anyway or doesn't fit into anymore (because obviously Lucy shrunk them.) I'm ok with that because I know I can wash them and the age old joke where I send Lucy a text saying, "I just got into your husband's pants," never gets old.

So people on the GC, I say go forth and scavange, you never know what you might find. Espescially at (.                                                        .) - address removed by Lucy

Road Trip Part 2

Andrew - Not everyone has the chance to take a trip down memory lane like I did several days ago when Gusband and I went with AO to visit JoJo, in the place I was born. Yes, my peeps I was born in Tamworth. So judge me not on my love of Garth Brooks and the Dixie Chicks but rather on my collection of rather camp few pairs of boots, that quite often get outed.

Yep, I was born here!

The Church I was Christened in and NO the roof didn't fall in

When Gusband and I awoke from our hungover sleep we discovered we were going to be late for the appointed time we said we would catch up with my grandparents. Never the less they were still waiting for us when we arrived. Thank God.

It’s always fantastic to catch up with family that you haven’t seen for a long time and if you add your gorgeous sister and her beautiful children then you have an afternoon you will remember for ages.

As well as catching up with the oldies, my sis & the nephews I also got to see an Uncle, a cousin and the birth mother of another cousin I’ve never met and no one bothered to tell me who this random lady was. I’m very glad to have met her now and will make people wear name tags and family tree badges on my next visit.

Lucy, have you had any interesting family experiences lately?


Lucy - You are such a tease Andrew. Fancy not showing us your array of cowboy boots (I'm sure there must be some hot pink or bright blue pairs). 

these are fancy!

It got me thinking (no jokes!!) what makes a gay cowboy(boot)? So I consulted google & this is what showed up.

Love me some Chaps, so does the guy in the overalls. 

Actually they made a brief (ha-ha) comeback in fashion a few months ago

(the overalls people, not the chaps)

I love a good float

lets not forget boot scooting @ christmas time

or the Naked Cowboy! He looks surprisingly warm in that snow.

Now, what was the story I am meant to blogging about.....that's right, road trips & family get togethers.

I'm glad you went down memory lane Andrew, it looked like a lot of fun. 

The only photo I could find at short notice was one of me I think aged 3 or 4. But you all will have to wait, the computer was just not playing the game today.  I think it's all googled out after the cowboy antics.....

Happy Boot Scooting Campers.

On the Road Again Part 1

Andrew – I know we have been very remiss in being active with the blog but a lot has been going on in both our lives, so we are attempting to get our lives sorted and online so then we will have some time to be ONLINE.

So until we get you all caught up on our lives I’m getting us underway with Gusband and my roadtrip last weekend.

While so many peeps were fighting the good fight for marriage equality last weekend. Gusband , myself and AO headed for JoJo’s.

This weekend had been in the pipeline for months. Several postponements later we locked in a date and were away. Now roadtrips can be tricky and this was our first roady with AO so we didn’t know what to expect. Would she want to get out at Molong because of Gusband’s penchant for playing DJ? Which basically meant every famous musical for 5 hours straight? Would our snacks make the cut? And since I like to drive and Gusband likes to be driven, will AO be terrified of my driving and want to catch the train home?

Road-trip snacks and yes we did wonder about the wisdom of not putting the grog in the boot.

Turns out we are all fabulous travel companions and the music, snacks and driving trust were all but a mere blip on the roadtrip radar. When we drove past “Sharon’s Hair Cut Shop” and became hysterical, we knew we were all good to keep going.

And keep going we did. To the place of my birth….

There were not many people until today who knew I was born in the Country Music Capital of Australia. Yep you guessed it, I am a boot scootin’ country boy! Which may explain the amount of time spent line dancing at bar night at university. Yee haw!

As well as being a trip down memory lane for myself, this was also the first time Gusband and AO had been anywhere near the places we were heading. ‘Twas a fabulous plan, I shall drive and then dazzle them with my memory and some anecdotes about the area we travelled through a lot as kids. Memory yes. Anecdotes, not so much.  And so we made some new ones.

We were so busy laughing at Sharon’s Hair Cut Shop that we forgot to get a picture, there were a few giggles at Dunnedoo though. It’s the small things that bring the most joy.

5 hours and a black swan later we arrive in TMW. While AO and I are still greeting JoJo, Gusband was changing into his comfy clothes. Turns out we had all packed them and our fancy first night with JoJo would mean we were attired in trackie dacks and uggies (and we all know that they are NOT shoes.)

A lot of drinking to catch up on ensued and Gusband and I stumbled to bed. Only to be late getting up to family day on the ranch. Which we shall talk about tomorrow.

Hey Lucy, I drove 5 hours to a place I haven’t been in 10 years with people who have never been there before. AND WE DIDN’T USE A NAV-BITCH! Yay me.


Lucy - Aahhh! the road trip. Aahhh! The family road trip. It has been so long since I road tripped around. 
I must say I am very proud you and of the Non Nav-Bitch Trip, however there is definitely NOT enough information about that BLACK SWAN, WTF!!!! But I totally understand SHAZZA"S Hair Cut Shop, very Okka indeed.


Sawusband is not really a fan of the road trip, neither is Nanny Penny. The last photos I have are of my 31st Birthday when we took the long journey from the OC to the Blue Mountains.Yes it was approximately a 2 hour drive. That is about all that can be endured by the family in terms of a long drive together.

It starts off all fun & games

On Top Of The World

But Look Out Below

Every good road trip starts with good head (oops I mean hair)

Has she been to Shazza's.....

                      

followed by the inevitable singing & dancing

It wouldn't be a road trip without someone clicking there heels together like Dorothy in 

"The Wizard of Oz" 

Those are real shoes, not uggies!

I can't wait to hear about family day.

Fatty Fat Fat

People have been known to call me a fattist. I’m not sure it’s even a word for all those people who have but it’s not entirely untrue.

Now don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as though I think fatty’s should be rounded up and put into camps or anything, Christ I’m not the noughties version on Hitler. It’s just that fat people are well… fat.

My biggest gripe with the fatty-fats of the world is travel. No one wants to be sitting next to the obese person do they? It’s like being seated next to the crazy traveller. "Please, please, please don’t let me be sitting next to them," you can see people mumbling as they climb on board a plane. Fair call I say. If your muffin top hangs over the arm rest you should have to buy an extra seat . No one wants to spend an entire flight in fear of being sucked into a fat roll, never to be seen again.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here, why is it that airlines have weight restrictions on luggage? Is it really fair that I can only take 25kgs onto a flight but so can Jabba the Hutt checking in, in front of me? That means that me and my luggage together would weigh around 90kgs, there are a lot of fatty-fats out there who by themselves weigh that much… AND they can take the same amount of luggage.

And as for flying with Rex, if your bag is too heavy they tell you it may have to go standby. Well what about lard-arse over there? Why should my suitcase be left behind when they're just being waved right through. Oh that’s right there are laws against discrimination. So to break it down, the gays can’t marry but the fatties can fly. Interesting.

Now before you start on me I know there are many different reasons for people being obese and some of them are medical. I’m not a complete arsehole so this is what I propose. If you are fat because you have a dodgy thyroid or you have two broken legs and can’t exercise or you caught your boyfriend making out with your best friend and have confined yourself to your bedroom watching Will and Grace reruns, I hereby give you permission to come fly with me. I might even give you my complimentary salty nuts. I’ll even help you write your sign (because you can’t get your tray table down)… what’s that? Oh did I forget to tell you that you have to wear a sign that explains why you are so fat? Soz.

So see, all won’t be lost for those larger travellers amongst us when I become Prime Minister. It’s not about discriminating AGAINST fat people, it’s about equality for the slimmer folk. And possibly it’s got something to do with all the purchases Gusband has made this trip and me wondering how the bloody hell we are going to get them home.



Lucy - We all know you're a fattist.
But really this Blog screams  "Excess Luggage Payment!!!!" Just tell Gusband to tighten his belt....Actually I have a better idea, you should don a fat suit then you can stuff all Gusbands purchases in it, therefore eliminating the excess luggage payment. 


I have only had one very unpleasant flight where the people on either side of me were so large that the armrests were bending back on me, pinning me in! 

I knew then I needed Vodka Stat! It was a cheap 3 hour flight & did not include alcohol so when the flight attendant asked me for payment I couldn't get to my bag! She saw how stuck I was & said she would get it later. I think she took pity on me & never collected.


I think that if you need the belt extender then maybe you need to buy a second seat so that you and the peeps around you are comfortable.

Anywho, I am sure the backlash about this blog will go on & on & on! I hope your skin is thick, the so called fatties might sit on you. 


Happy Travels Campers Xx