No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Yes Campers it's been a while but we have been busy being fabulous and important. God if only!

Andrew – As well as being a fabulous song from Wicked it also happens to be what I said to Gusband yesterday.

A friend of ours was getting rid of her bunk beds because her son is now big enough for a big boys bed. Actually he’s almost finished university so not before time really. When the charity truck refused to take it because it wasn’t completely pulled apart I suggested that my mother-in-law might like it since she often has the grandkids piled up all around her house. Great idea.

So like the good son and son-in-law we are, Gusband and I borrowed a ute and went to pick said bed up. Turns out it was going to take 2 trips. Turns out it also decided to start sleeting. So there we were driving around the OC in shitty weather, in a poorly packed ute with it’s cargo having been secured by 2 homosexuals who aren’t known for their knot tying abilities.

No good deed…. Indeed.

Gusband offered to make a cake for his nieces birthday last year, because he can’t bear the thought HIS niece or nephew having to endure a “shop bought cake.” At 1 o’clock in the morning as he was putting the finishing touches on the cake and drinking the final of about 400 glasses of wine, I put the song on. “Aint that the fucking truth” he muttered.

If I recall correctly it was also the text I received from The Foot Doctor as she finished rolling 5000 meatballs for a fundraiser we had organised. However it may have gone along the lines of “No good fucking deed goes un-fucking punished.” Like the time I helped P-Mac and her grandmother to their car in a massive storm. Holding the umbrella for Nanna while she SLOWLY got into the car, I very QUICKLY became saturated. Thrilled I wore a white shirt to work that day!

I wish I looked like that at the end of it!

Oh the list could go on and on because I’m such a good person/citizen/friend but I’m getting depressed and I’d rather hear your stories.

Keep doing good deeds campers, we’ll be rewarded in heaven. SHIT! Note to self – Start believing in heaven. xx


Lucy - No Good Deed Indeed, Such a true saying. Nana Penny is also the recipient of the "No Good Deed" Act. She kindly volunteered to look after her grandchild known as "Crazy Henry" (the name speaks for itself really).

Crazy H in his bandanna from Positano

Crazy H, my 1.5 year old 53kg baby was going for a 5 night sleepover before being sent to bootcamp (while I went travelling the world). By day 5 he had become so used to his new digs, he was running around in the house like any little puppy would do, but the difference is Henry is like a small horse which equates to a Bull in a china store scenario. Poor Nana P . I am sure bootcamp couldn't have come quicker!!!!

He looks so harmless while sleeping.

Even though we have the biggest bed available he still can't quite fit

Crazy H wasn't finished with Nana P yet. Just before I returned from my big adventure Nanna P was minding Sawusband & my house, she decided to do a load washing for me (what a good deed) as she hung out the washing she stepped in a not so little present left by Crazy H......(note to self, 53kg dogs have large presents to leave!) Poor Nana P, I'm sure she won't be volunteering her services so much anymore.


Sawusband is a doer of good deeds quite often. I recall the time he volunteered to drive a truck for some friends. That would be a good deed except for the fact that he had never driven such a big truck before & proceeded to take out a set of traffic lights.


I can't think of any good deeds that have got me into trouble of late....Hmmm maybe I have not offered to do any good deeds of late.....I may have to start soon or Andrew, you & I may not be getting into heaven after all. 
I'm sure there will be a bar outside the pearly gates, we may have to settle for a Gin & tonic while watching all the action.


What good deeds have you done Campers.

When Party Plans Turn Feral

Andrew – The other night Gusband and I took pity on a friend of ours and agreed to host a Thermomix party. Our darling friend, who shall now be called Fabulous Salesgirl, possibly did not know what she was getting herself into.

What was the problem with a Thermomix party at Castello Edwardo? Certainly not the Thermomix (an appliance that shall change your life apparently) but the last word “party”.

The fabulous appliance I would never be able to use

Never having hosted a “Party plan party” before, we gathered our nearest and dearest in the forms of The Foot Doctor, P-Mac, Mary Moot and L-Love. Table set simply but stylishly, Tulips in perfect state of bloom and glasses at the ready.

Fabulous salesgirl arrived and announced that none of us were to get “blotto” before main. First problem….. Gusband and I had been shoveling cosmos into our guests since they arrived. L-love was put on secret refill duty and the presentation began.

400 of these later.....

Now everyone knows that I hate to cook, so what the f#*%k I thought I was doing sitting up there like an attentive schoolboy is anyone’s guess. Totally wasted on me! I should have been the secret refiller because no one was buying my interest for a second.

Fabulous Salesgirl did a wonderful job considering her audience consisted of mostly drunken yobs. It must be hard to come into your friend’s house and make a group of people dinner that have used the event as a chance to catch up and have a mid-week bender.

Fabulous Salesgirl’s assistant scampered off when the Glee soundtrack came on and the dancing began. Poor out of town bitch just doesn’t know how people in the OC party.

In today's episode Rachel Barry shall be played by Gusband

No one bought the appliance but I felt obliged to buy an attachment that I neither need nor know how to use. $30 well spent I’d say.

Turns out we are good at planning a party campers, not party planning. Xx


Lucy - It's not like you all to get drunk mid week!!! I'm sure the hangovers were worth it. The poor party plan salesgirl, she never had a hope, I'm surprised  she didn't throw in the towel & start drinking.

When Restaurants Just Don't Satisfy

Lucy - The other day Sawusband & I were invited to lunch @ a Latin Restaurant I thought that sounded fun, Latin food would be something new to try. We ended up going just the two of us, we booked accommodation because it was about the same as a taxi there & back. I was a little excited to be having a mini break.
We sat down & I perused the menu. Lesson one in keeping people happy would be keep the drinks up! (If in doubt, get the customers drunk)we had to ask the waiter for a drink. We were left to check the menu out for approx 30mins (more than enough time) while the staff diddled around resetting the couple of tables that were empty as well as talking on their mobile phones out the front of the restaurant....surely feeding & watering the paying customers would be a good start.

I was a little hungry

Still Waiting

I have always had a few rules in dining which apparently went out the door this particular lunch. I think it was because the Maitre D complemented my dress, I would have felt bad leaving before we ordered so I gave them the benefit of the doubt.
I now have a new rule : If unsure of the service do not dine, even if given complements!!!!

So as you can see I was a little hungry & thirsty.
Another rule I normally use is: If the restaurant says it's Italian, I expect Italian. This restaurant said it is Latin, I was expecting food such as Ceviche, Chimichurri, Corn salads & more, but I had to pick pasta...Is pasta Latin I thought to myself. Our options were limited, we had a choice of Chicken schnitzel (deep fried), Fish & Chips, beer battered of course (another deep fried dish), Eye Fillet with Peppercorn or mushroom sauce. Now correct me if I'm wrong does any of this sound Latin? So yes the alarm bells were sounding but it was too late, we were stuck!!!

So we had officially broken all of our rules but worst of all at the end of the meal when I had to ask for the account so we could leave, the waiters were asking where my dress was from & other questions so now I was thinking I can't just leave, I have to offer a tip! All I had was a $20 note..... So what do you think I did, I gave them $20 for our bad meal with bad service all because I didn't want to look rude.

Remember Campers, they will probably never see you again. For God's sakes don't procrastinate, leave, I wish I had remembered our few basic rules... 


Andrew - Considering our history of tipping I was very surprised to hear you even bothered. Especially considering your dinner on the same night. What was it that Sawusband said when asked how the meal was? I do believe "average" wasn't what the waitress was expecting.

The problem could be that we've eaten at some fabulous places over the years but I don't know if this means we've set our standards too high. There's a certain vegetarian restaurant we all love and you have to admit the service isn't bad... it's non-existent. Yet we love it.

Perhaps if Gusband, you and Sawusband weren't such great cooks, every time we dined out the bench may not be set so high. Possibly we all whinge too much...... nah that's not it.

Can I suggest that since you have almost named and shamed every restaurant on the GC, you and Sawusband move back to the OC. There are numerous places we can go that are fabulous down here! .....Worth a try.

I'm making dinner tonight so can I just name and shame Castello Edwardo right now to get it over and done with.

Happy dining out campers or better yet Lucy and Sawusband have invited us all for dinner so let's go. xx

We're Not the Fashion Police....... BUT......

Andrew  - Now I’ve spoken on hear before of how I disagree with all the camel-toed ladies who believe that tights are pants. This also extends to men… I mean really! Unless you are posing for a magazine shoot and need to be in them or possibly riding a bike, nobody wants to see your tackle.

Unfortunately a recurring fashion disaster has once again hit the OC heralding in, as always, the beginning of Winter. Ugg boots!

Now I have several pairs of Peter Alexanders in the wardobe. One would say far too many pairs. There is something very comforting about pulling on your uggies when you get in from work on a Winters night. What astounds me is how many people feel these are appropriate shoes to be getting around town in!

I don’t proclaim to be the fashion police or even a member of the fashion forward set, I’ll leave that to my stylish friend Lucy. However Helen Keller could see this is a perfect way to let your inner bogan shine.

Just because Kate Moss did it doesn’t mean you should. Follow her trendsetting and you will not only be channeling your inner bogan, you may also start channelling your inner coke-whore.

 

It's a slippery slope campers

So to recap campers, tights are not pants and slippers are for home not for general viewing in public.

Let’s try and keep our inner bogans in check campers. Or at least buy the book.xx

Lucy - I must say I have noticed that pants as tights is rife on the GC at the moment. Not a good look people if your ass wobbles like a bowl full of jelly. There are just not that many people that can getaway with it....Please remember to leave something to the imagination. Camel toes only belong on camels.

The other bad trend that has emerged a lot in the last few months is SUPER SHORT, DENIM SHORTS On no fewer than 10 occasions today I have been blinded or left wanting to poke my eyes out with knitting needles to stop the pain of this look. Winter is here, tans are gone & lily white large thighs belong in a little more than belt width shorts. 

Sawusbnd says they should only be made up to a certain size, If you can't fit them then you shouldn't be wearing them.

Then theres the conundrum of how to put together Short denim with Uggies....Just ask Brittany I think she owns the Bogan book.

Thanks for the memories Brit.

I know my legs say a definite no to anything not neck to knee....but I know this & work with what I have. 

In the paper yesterday a person commented that Ugg boots should not even be worn inside your own house. 

As for being Kate Moss in Uggies or a Coke-Whore not wearing Uggies, I like to wear mine in the privacy of my own home while sipping vino. How do you like to wear yours Campers Xx

The Vespa Finale!

Lucy - Yes Campers we are home safely, but I could not finish our trip Blog without telling you all of our last day.  We ended up in Roma for a fast 24hours before catching the plane homo.
What do you think the best way to see Rome is? Perhaps by tour on a bus or even by foot.... Not on our gay tour of Rome. It was decided that vespa was the best way to see Rome (thanks Renee). So you can drive yourself (crazy if you ask me) or with a driver, as I opted to do.
Before we left Australia when I mentioning the Vespa tour to friends I was told "For Gods sake don't drive yourself, the Romans are crazy drivers". Baring this in mind I opted for the Driver. Andrew said "I bet you change your mind, you'll want to drive yourself" well he was wrong on sooooo many levels. Turns out I'm a freeking scaredycat (well deep down we did know that).
I had read the itinerary & it said this tour was 4 hours, Andrew kept asking how long this would take & Gusband kept saying I don't know 2 or 3 hours. I thought he was concealing the true time frame because Andrew & I had a huge afternoon the day before & were suffering with slight hangovers. We decided we could power through & were told to pick a helmet. I was given one that was made for a gigantic head, I have a very small skull (no more jokes about the size of my brain ok) so I changed to a smaller size, still no luck my helmet was wobbling around I'm surprised I could see anything at all. Turns out Health & Safety is not a big issue when in Rome! I presume that's why the boys were asked to sign their lives away before setting out on the tour.

I was happy to see the tour guide was a lady who would be escorting me. When I think of women drivers I automatically think safe & careful therefore I thought this should be good. NOT SO CAMPERS, 50 metres up the road & I wanted off. "What the F**K am I doing on this thing!!!!" kept going through my head as she raced through the streets cutting off cars & squeezing through the traffic like a madwoman. I kept telling myself just relax, just relax, look around & for Christ's sake don't watch the road.

1st stop The Colosseum.

Thank God we're off that Vespa! Do we look a little frazzled.

Next a Convent.

I think Andrew is looking to join or at least say a prayer.

Next the original Road of Rome

The original wall that encased Rome

The drunk dude having a nap

Onto Saint Peter's Basillica

I am starting to relax now & it's only 2 hours into it.

Andrew looks happy don't you think.

Lady in the middle is the crazy driver/tour guide.

Gusband had been waiting all afternoon to get a picture of my hair

We are near the end, Andrew looks a little more at ease.

We made safely back, now all we need is a long strong drink. I could even smoke about now!!!

Straight to the Hotel

Lead onto the Bar

Andrew looks very pleased with the Tour, NOT

Gusband is actually happy after the tour (he's such a daredevil)

We need Gin, Stat.

Cheers!!! we have earnt it!

Even though it was a little stressful I can't deny that I never would have seen so much of Rome in such a short space of time. Now who said dinner..... It wasn't Andrew he has been full for days. But Gusband & I are unstoppable.

1st stop the Pantheon

Next stop Dinner nearby

Who can leave Roma without a visit to Trevi Fountain

Well that's it for the last day of our Italian holiday. All that's left to do is board the plane for homo.

See you Campers soon.

Thanks boys I had a fabulous holiday with memories that will last a lifetime!

Andrew - Soo much fun, so thank you my darling friend. What a fabulous adventure. Though it is great to be home to our fur kids. We'd better get planning the next one, maybe we'll even let Sawusband come.

As for the f*#cking vespa tour, enough said about that experience the better. I'm still having nightmares.

Ciao for now campers but stay tuned for many more adventures from the GC and the OC.

xx